Saturday, October 7, 2006
8:30 PM
So I have some reading to catch up on. But, I think I will wait until tomorrow night. I am really not in the mood.
I am really not in the mood for anything. I feel like crap. Not crap in the since that I am sick, but emotional crap.
The BBQ that I had been planning sucked. After I spend 3 days cleaning the house, mowing the yard, grocery chopping, borrowing furniture from my parents, lack of sleep trying to make sure everything as perfect, spending too much money, getting cleaned up, locking up the pets, etc., etc., etc. . . . NO ONE SHOWED UP!
I could swear I told everyone 6 – 6:30, By quarter to 8, I cooked Sam and I a hamburger, and then cleaned up the mess, and am ready for bed.
I feel like such a looser. I don’t understand why no one showed up, I feel ridiculous.
And I don’t understand why. What is wrong with me that no one wants to come over and spend time with me, and when I was providing the beer? Why? Obviously there has to be something wrong with me. It is the only way to explain why no one showed up tonight, why Adam often doesn’t want to se spend time with me, why me and Angie don’t get along, why I don’t feel like I fit in with my own family, why Candice would stand me up, why Corey would stand me up, why I can’t seem to keep a good friend, why I can’t seem to keep a boyfriend.
It has to be me!
hweatherholt said,
December 8, 2006 @ 9:59 am
I was reading your blog entry about your shitty BBQ results, and it nearly brought a tear to my eye.
Mostly because I know exactly how you feel. While I hadn’t done the planning, something like that has happened to me twice…and is also the reason I am wary to plan a party. Ever since the first time that happened to me, I am in constant fear that no one would show up.
My first time was my “surprise” 21st birthday. The only surprise was that no one showed up.
My second time was for my last birthday where everyone said they wanted to take me to lunch. But then the director gave “59 minutes”, which means you can leave work 59 minutes early. So, everyone who was supposed to take me to lunch was like, “Well, since we got 59 minutes I’m going to work through lunch, so I can take it. We’ll take you to lunch Monday.” Well, Monday wasn’t my birthday, Friday was…so they can take their 59 minutes and forget about me. Lane took me to lunch though.
So. basically those two experiences taught me to see who my real friends are, and that I can’t really count on other people. I don’t hate those people, I just won’t count on them, and I won’t make plans with them. Now, if everyone goes to celebrate a birthday or whatever, I’ll just join in at the last minute if I don’t have anything better to do…which usually I don’t.
So, just keep your spirits up. It’s not you. You just need better friends. Most people were probably just being totally self-involved and didn’t realize it was something that meant a lot to you, that you had done a lot of work for it.
later,
Peggy